Last night I laid alone in bed. Jim was in the living room typing away on yet another job application. A tightness seemed to be compressing my chest. I needed words to process what I was feeling, but the squeeze of fear stifled them. So far, on this journey into the unknown, I've felt very (and rather remarkably) calm. But last night the reality of unemployment with three small boys to care for, no national health care, belongings in storage that need retrieved and sorted... began racing through my mind. All the unknowing caught up with me in a wave of panic. I laid there trying reason my way out of the feeling of helplessness.
It wasn't long until Jim came to bed and sensed my state. I curled up and asked "will you pray?" I had no words. He began with "Lord, thank you..." and those first three words released much of the tightness, because I had forgotten. I had forgotten that gratitude is where we always want to begin.
It isn't always where we end, because we have real needs and we need to ask for our daily bread. But, when we position ourselves to realize that everything we have is a gift, then I'm able to trust that whatever is to come will also be a gift. It may not be exactly (or maybe at all) what I'm wishing for, but it will be a gift all the same. Yes, gratitude is where we need to begin.
5 comments:
I haven't been reading blogs much this summer and am trying to catch up when I came across this post. What a wonderful reminder! Thank you for this. I'll add my prayers of gratitude and prayers for new directions to yours for your beautiful little family! Peace!
I know. I've been there. It's hard, but your needs will be met. Sometimes they are met quietly, sometimes with flashing lights. I'm praying for you.
Reading through your post just brought tears to my eyes. I've been there and am sometimes still there. It's so hard. But you are right - God has given his good gifts, and He will give more good gifts as we are open to receive them. I think that may be the main thing I've learned in our post-Scotland years: be open to the Lord. Like a child taking his first step, it seems so scary and unsure, but if he only knew the love and strength of the arms waiting to catch him! He would know he was safe to step out. Praying for a sense of peace as you step out.
May peace, contentment, and love always surround you, dear sister. I'm so sorry that you feel or have felt the uncertainty of life but I am so so glad that you find gratitude in our great God. I hope this transition to a new job/position/place is an amazingly smooth one for you. But even if it is not, please know that we are always here for you, to feed you, to live with, or simply to confide in. I love you and know happy things are sure to come your way! I know that every time that Brian and I were laid off from work, especially the ones that occurred while we were caring for Darius and Tierney, were very scary times, but somehow it always worked out perfectly and the bills were paid and the children fed. Or perhaps I shouldn't say somehow but Someone!
Good reminder, Em. Thank you.
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