I'm not one to often feel sorry for myself. We made the choice to come here and are blessed with wonderful friends, an active community and opportunities to travel. We have a simple life that is not bombarded by consumerism. I am grateful and don't regret our decision to move here. But, I am still homesick.
Today has been one of those days when I want my mom to come bail me out. Because that isn't an option, I let Rowan decimate a roll of toilet paper (it kept him occupied so I could hang laundry), broke out the stash of disposable diapers (because I'm so far behind on laundry), wasn't gentle with Jonah on several occasions and am about to go have a lunch of drinking chocolate (chocolate is a vegetable right?)
But, we also took a walk today, on the Lade Braes Path and I felt the Scottish ground beneath my feet. I saw the sun break through the branches and heard the leaves crunch. I listened to my baby quack like a duck and watched my big boy race down the hill on his scooter. When we got home we shared some good stories and I think I can get to the laundry now...
Sometimes this adventure we call life seems so daunting, but the beauty of two wee boys is that I must keep on and so I do. And, eventually the sun breaks through and I feel grounded once again.
4 comments:
Emily, I was touched by your post. We are currently contemplating what our next move will be as my husband begins another round of job applications. The thought of leaving my family again is heart-breaking, and I pray daily that God will make a path for us that meanders close to familiar ground. I pray that soon you will be able to visit or be visited by your family, but in the mean time, I pray that you will find comfort in your routine and the warmth of your little nest. I appreciate the raw honesty of your post. Take care.
I can very much relate, Emily! I am well familiar with that feeling of homesickness and wonder why it never seems to abate, even after nearly 7 years. Just another reminder of how we can never be fully at home this side of heaven.
This is probably not a very encouraging comment, but I have started to doubt that I will ever feel "home" again. (This side of heaven, as Alison said.) When in Scotland, it wasn't quite home since we were only there as students. As much as we loved it, it was temporary. But now we are back in the place that used to be home, and it doesn't feel right either. I am near family, which is great, but the part of me wants to keep searching elsewhere. But then I'll be away from family! Catch 22. I am looking for my home in God. He is home, and my best earthly version of home is wherever I sit down at table with my husband and kids. There is always a longing for something else that is elusive. I totally didn't understand this before, but I am getting there. It is still hard to live with, though. I am glad you found peace in little moments - I do the same!
Hello Emily, your old high school friend Allison's mom here. Dear girl, I feel your homesickness pain, since we lived away from home so many, many years and I had three little ones to care for while my husband traveled so much. It's not easy, but years from now, you will remember the joy you experienced during this time and how God brought you through it all. I enjoy reading your blog and seeing your pictures. When you have a moment to yourself, maybe you can read mine - http://mamasemptynest.wordpress.com//
Hope you get home again sometime soon, but until then God bless you and keep you.
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